How can I keep from singing?

We went to the Honors Recital at Hillcrest last night, and it was quite enjoyable. Of course, after having attended Wheaton College and had friends in the Conservatory of Music, I'm a bit spoiled. It's hard to enjoy amateur music anymore, I'll admit. But I try to be gracious because I know these kids are trying really hard. And when I think about my own musical ability, I am duly impressed by these young folk!

But I was struck with two revelations during the performance.

1. I was so thankful and relieved that I did not have a structured, intense musical youth. I've always sung and enjoyed singing, and I took occasional lessons in piano. And I did learn the clarinet in middle school and played some for concerts and musicals. But my mom didn't force me to sit down and practice the piano for two hours every day, or even once a week! Music was enjoyable to me but never a chore. I'm so glad that I spent my time with friends and reading books instead, and especially developing my writing, which is my true passion. I admire young people who are determined and focused, for they truly do produce lovely music. But my priorities were different, and as much as I'd love to be able to play the piano, I now realise that to me, it wouldn't have been worth the sacrifice of other things I enjoyed. Yay God!

2. My soul misses singing. Every fibre of my being ached when I heard some adult women sing last night and couldn't join them. I don't have a bad voice, but I guess it's just not quite good enough for me to be asked to sing in any groups. And that makes me sad. In middle school I started singing in the annual performance of Handel's Messiah here in Jos. In high school I sang in the choir--when there was one--and also in the praise team. In college I sang in the Women's Chorale, and afterward in two different community choirs. My year in California, I sang on the worship team for my church. And I miss it so much. I don't miss the performance so much as I just miss singing in a group with other people who appreciate music and love God. Singing hymns at church just isn't the same. Singing has always been the way I best worship God, and without that outlet, I feel so lost and drained, depressed and confused. If only I could sing again.

"Since love is lord of heaven and earth, how can I keep from singing??"