Sometimes, though, and especially this summer, I have really missed being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). It's obviously not possible right now and likely will never be possible again. This is my new reality. I am trying my best to adjust and be joyful, but at times, I grieve for the things I'm missing:
- my kids' firsts--first roller-skating, first boat ride, first passing a swim test...
- lots of hugs from Anna
- reading books with Timothy
- grocery shopping in the middle of a weekday
- taking the kids to the park
- picking Timothy up from school and hearing all about his day when it's fresh in his mind
- feeling like I have time to plan meals and cook
There are lots of others, but those are some that came to mind. But there are two things I miss most right now.
One is being able to enjoy summer. To me that doesn't necessarily mean swimming and enjoying the sunshine. I'm not an outdoors person really, although I do love swimming. I don't like hot weather, and I hate humidity. But summer is so much more than that. It's vacation. It's taking the kids to the beach. It's enjoying short trips to visit friends and family. It's letting the kids sleep in and enjoy all the things they don't get to do during the year. My kids aren't getting a real summer this year. They're stuck in day care all day during the week, and on the weekend, we have to run errands because my only free time is on the weekend. I'm exhausted all the time, and though I try to plan fun things for the kids, things happen, and we don't always get to enjoy time together.
We've totally lost summer. My heart breaks inside when I hear all the SAHMs at church talk about play dates and trips to this and that fun activity.
...which leads me to the second thing I miss most right now, and that is girl time with other moms. I'm not talking about going out for dinner or drinks. I'm talking about play dates, sitting around chatting about life, enjoying other mom company while the kids play. That has been so hard to lose. I already felt terribly lonely, but now that it's summer and all the kids are playing together, I ache for that mommy time. Yes, theoretically, I could try to plan something. But all the other moms need their family time with the dads in their lives, which is evenings and weekends. I can't ask my SAHM friends to give that up just to chat with me. Besides, evenings get into suppertimes and bedtimes, even aside from dad-time. I see my mommy friends at church on Sundays and (usually, though not this month) at home group on Thursdays, but it's not mommy time. And I don't usually see them or even talk to them at all otherwise.
It was hard being a SAHM sometimes, and I felt exhausted and frustrated with discipline, etc. I felt lonely. But I was getting at least the peripheral social time that I needed and so felt much more able to give to my kids the time they needed. When I am empty, both emotionally and spiritually, how can I possibly give to my children?
Oh! to have a summer full of beach time, play dates, and a Beth Moore study!
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