I have been a single mom for four months today.
No, that’s not exactly true. I have been a single mom–for
all practical purposes—for a couple years.
But it was four months ago today that I got a phone call
from the kids’ dad saying that he had moved out.
Four months.
I can hardly believe it’s been that long. Days just seem to
go by, and life has just had to continue, regardless. People have told me I
need to take time to grieve.
Like, when?
Seriously, I know it’s important in the healing process, but
when do I possibly have time to sit down and process this alone? Ha. Very
funny. It’s no wonder people have a hard time doing the grieving process. It
takes intense time and alone-ness, which most people can’t afford or just don’t
have. I have a full-time job and two
kids to care for. I already have guilt complexes about my eating habits, lack
of exercise, and the state of my house. So now I need to guilt myself that I’m
not finding time to grieve.
Wait, what? Really?
So anyway, four months.
Yes, four months down. If I live to be 80, that’s only 579
months to go.
Lord, have
mercy.
It may come slowly, Saralynn. It may creep up on you unaware while you sleep; while you do dishes or braid Ana's hair. I find that while I am doing tasks I am able to process information better than if I am left alone. Some of those chores are pretty non demanding (mentally) and we can get into a zone of a special sort when we can truly commune with god and ourselves. I urge you to seek this time - not while you are alone - because that may never happen - but while you are doing the tasks of everyday life. I pray God gives you mercy and shows you his way. It's far better than anything we can come up with. <3 Auntie M
ReplyDeleteI understand what it's like to sometimes feel like you don't have the time to grieve (specifically, to cry - for me, anyway). I thought I was the only one.
ReplyDeletegrieving doesn't have to be done a certain way... you can do it in your own time, your own way, your own space. there is no schedule for grieving.
ReplyDelete