It's weeks like this past one that make me wonder if I'm a misanthrope...or just going through a depressed period? Most of my blogging friends will go weeks or months without blogging when they're depressed. Not me! What is a blog for except to express emotions and ideas? Why would I only show my happy-go-lucky side and not my painful struggles? Strap on your seatbelts 'cause here we go!
Last year I attended two Bible studies for ladies--one for foreign women married to Nigerians, and one for missionary women. But at the end of the year I decided I'd probably drop out of both. Sure, I guess you could say I need the "socialization," but to me, two hours a week (or a month) does nothing for my social life. If anything, it makes me realise more than ever what I don't have: friends.
Okay, yeah, so I have people come to me and say, "hi, how are you?" But no one really wants to know anything more than "fine, thanks." Feels pretty lousy. Even my friends from college who I hoped would stay connected have slowly drifted away. I mean, it makes sense. Our lives are so totally different now. We've gone down very separate paths. How can I expect people to really care and keep in touch when we're just so...different now?
And have I been very good at reaching out to try to make friends? Do I extend love as much as I want it extended to me?
Of course not! I'm human. Duh. At the same time, I have made efforts that seem wasted. I have invited people over (and been stood up). I have written notes and emails. I have even sent texts. (You will never get me to make phone calls.) So am I just trying to connect with the wrong people? or what?
In any case, the coming days will probably see me sitting at home more than ever, staring off into space or trying to find abundant joy in my little boy. I don't think I'm a misanthrope, but in my loneliness I may become a recluse. Is that the same thing?
I miss my sister.
As our lives changes, our needs for friendships change also. Sometimes we continue along the same paths we always did, attempting to make friendships the ways we did in the past. Success begats success. What worked in the past is not where you are now.
ReplyDeleteYou are now the mother of wonderful little boy, wife to an equally amazing Nigerian man, citizen of the US, and so much more.
For me, I've found I have to start over. When I got divorced my friendships with married women changed. For about two years I kept to myself, and did nothing social. I wanted to, but I didn't know how to.
Give yourself a break. Ride it out, and stay true to yourself.
Hmmm...I live in a big major US city and the only person I really ever have a good conversation with is my mom.
ReplyDeleteI try and be my own best friend if there is such a thing.
I really love my little girl and I do a lot of fun things with her.
You can find a lot of interesting things on the internet. Can you order books from Amazon? I had always read the same old "safe" kind of books, but a few years ago I branched out and read all types of books. I always get the used cheap copies.
Sometimes if you take up an odd interest, birdwatching, clouds, tree and plant identification, photography, cooking, astronomy, study a foreign language; you find other people, near or online, who like to do this too.
I have taken several courses from the Teaching Company. www.teach12.com/
Here are sites I love to visit.
Kids sites
wondertime.go.com/
rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/shannon/2008/05/holy-shmokes-th.html
www.chinaberry.com/
www.hearthsong.com/
www.chinasprout.com/main
Interesting sites
freerice.com/
www.ted.com
www.npr.org/
www.nytimes.com/
hotzone.yahoo.com/
www.lumosity.com/iq_tests/
gregmortenson.blogspot.com/
www.miafarrow.org/
www.equilter.com/
wfdd.org/
www.weatherscapes.com/index.php
www.cloudman.com/atlas.htm
www.naturesongs.com/
www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Main_Page
designinspiration.typepad.com/
www.stencil-library.com/
www.kevinmd.com/blog/
thepioneerwoman.com/
www.healthbolt.net/
www.rainbowkids.com/
mrsbroccoliguy.wordpress.com/2006/09/08/vietnam-adoption-blogroll/
www.wired.com/
10000birds.com/
www.floras-hideout.com/index.html
www.sciencefriday.com/
www.flylady.net/
www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page
www.howstuffworks.com/
www.poemhunter.com/
When I adopted my little girl I had to live in a strange country for several months. I made a schedule for my day and that helped. In the AM we went for a long walk and took picturs of all the interesting things around us, then during her nap I exercised. I studied at certain times too.
best of luck
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