Star Trek: The Cruise VIII Reflections

Two years ago, my bestie Laura took me on a Star Trek cruise (Cruise VI) to celebrate our being 40 (even though it sailed the year we both turned 41). It was amazing – if a little overwhelming and also exhausting. We thought it would be a “once in a lifetime” experience—and it was, sort of. Apparently, a lot of Star Trek cruisegoers say the same thing… and then rebook for the next year before they even get off the ship! I didn’t do that, but I did follow a Facebook group for the next year’s cruise and enjoyed the excitement of everyone who did rebook. I lived vicariously through their fabulous adventures on Cruise VII. And as soon as booking opened for Cruise VIII, I signed up. It was reckless and foolhardy and fiscally irresponsible, I admit. But I did it. 

And I have no regrets. I booked the cheapest cabin available, hoping that Laura could go with me but knowing in reality it was very unlikely due to her work duties. After a few weeks, I saw a post in the Facebook group advertising a Zoom meeting for anyone who wanted to join, to just ask questions or get to know other people who would be on Cruise VIII. I joined, a little reluctantly, one Sunday afternoon in late spring, and I was greeted by a bunch of random, friendly people. Most of them didn’t know each other, so we did lots of introductions. People who hadn’t been on a cruise before asked questions, and those of us who had been before got to answer. This Zoom meeting happened once a month through the summer, then every other week through the end of the year, and finally it met weekly after the new year until the cruise.

At first, this had been a random group of people who popped in to say hello and ask questions, give recommendations for packing lists, cosplay ideas, input on the shore excursions, helpful hints on door decorations, the works. But over time, the group took on a life of its own and became a crew. No, seriously, one of our Zoom members decided to create a ship, and we were all going to be crew members on the ship. It was named after the person who initiated the Zoom calls (much to her embarrassment—sorry, Martyna!), and we decided Ron had to be our captain since he was the leader on this project. Other Zoom members created artistic designs for the ship, both the exterior and the bridge, and another person started writing our story. Over the months between the first Zoom call and the cruise, a core crew showed up more often than not, always welcoming new members and still continuing to answer questions and generally hype up the cruise. While I only spoke in the Zoom calls when directly addressed (Ron always asks what I’m crocheting), I got to know the other crew members, and we became friends. The crew grew to about 50 people, with a core of maybe 25 who were consistently on the Zoom calls. 

We started messaging each other during the week between Zoom calls, at first about things we planned to do on the cruise. It came up that some of us really enjoyed tea, so a few of the crew offered to put together tea kits for anyone interested. We also chatted about shore excursions and cosplay plans. But the chats were not limited to cruise plans, and they, too, took on a life of their own. We chatted about life and politics and funny memes and food, whatever. 

Many of us had planned to arrive in our departure city, Miami, a couple days before the cruise (always a good idea when traveling in winter), so we planned an in-person meetup at one of our hotels and then a dinner together the night before sailing. One of our crewmates who lives in Miami put in a reservation at a Cuban restaurant for 30 people, but we ended up exceeding our space! Ron presented Martyna with a plaque for the ship’s ready room and presented our author, Britt, with a hand-bound book of our crew’s story; and we celebrated with cake. It was amazing to see these amazing humans in person whom I’d been getting to know slowly over months via Zoom and WhatsApp. They were every bit as lively and kind as I’d come to expect.

The next day, we sailed. Getting to the ship was a headache due to the tunnel closure and unexpected traffic (what should have been a 20-minute drive took over 2 hours), which meant I was not able to meet up with my crewmates as early as I’d hoped. But meet up we did, at the sail-away party. Ron had handmade magnetic badges just for our crew, and the Dutchies brought crew uniform shirts with them all the way from the Netherlands. We got a lovely photo together—as many of us as could make it—up on deck.

The rest of the cruise is a bit of a blur—lots of running around, waiting in line for photo ops, and giggling. The Star Trek cruise is just incredible. Obviously, a huge part of it is getting to see the actors in real life, hear their stories, see their talents (besides acting), and rub shoulders with them in the turbolifts and at the dining hall. But the other huge part of what makes the cruise incredible is the fandom. If you’re not a Star Trek fan, you might not know much about their ideology and value system, so let me give you the briefest explanation: Trekkies are open-minded, compassionate, inclusive thinkers with a shared vision of a future Earth that is inclusive and equitable. One of the fundamental values of Star Trek fans is diversity and inclusion. From its inception, Star Trek was designed to broaden horizons and cross social boundaries. Gene Roddenberry was very clear about the vision. While The Original Series aired during the height of the Civil Rights movement, each series that followed has continued to push boundaries and demand its viewers actively think about deep ethical issues. Sure, it’s entertainment, and on some level, it’s out there to make some big bucks. But on a deeper level, the fans (and many of the actors) truly believe in the values of Star Trek and strive to make the world a better place.

So in this political climate, being on a cruise with 2500+ likeminded people was so soothing. You could strike up a conversation with a stranger while waiting in line and know that not only did they love Star Trek, but they also loved democracy and human rights. You knew they were also tired of the new U.S. regime and would fight for something better. For that one week, even though the schedule was tiring, it was also the most relaxed and seen I’ve felt in years. Of course, not only was I surrounded by thousands of likeminded fans, but I was also a member of a tight-knit crew who accepted and appreciated me as I am. I would always have someone to eat meals with if I wanted company. If I wanted to go to a show or seminar, I just had to reach out in our chat group to find out who was going and had maybe already gotten us seats. Even on my excursion in Mexico, I was adopted by a crewmember and random stranger we met on the shuttle bus to the Mayan ruins. I was not alone. And even though my companion that day was tall and gorgeous and smart and funny, she made me feel special and appreciated instead of fat and ugly. (Thank you, Masha!) 

My crew is amazing. It has been a month since the cruise, and we’re still active in our chats, still doing regular Zoom calls. The others are mostly getting ready for the next cruise (XI), which will be celebrating Star Trek’s 60th birthday. Even though I won’t be joining them, it’s still fun to be part of the crew, part of something special. Yes, these friends may be thousands of miles away and on different continents, but we are a family. It sounds crazy and idyllic and maybe like I’m romanticizing something that was just a fun cruise, but I’m really not. It was that powerful an experience. I’ve literally never in my life wanted to visit Europe because I am monolingual and terrified of being the dumb American who can’t speak French or Spanish, but now I hope that someday I get to visit my new friends in Czechia, Norway, Spain, Belgium, and the Netherlands (and someday Croatia). I’ve never been able to make local friends here, but these are real friends even from far away, and they see me.

I may not be going on the cruise next year, or maybe ever again, but I’m thankful for this magical group of people, my crew. I’m sure the high cannot last, and we will grow apart, but I’m still grateful for the time that we’ve had and the joy that we’ve all shared. It has truly been an awesome experience.

(Cruise X in 2027 will be celebrating 40 years of The Next Generation if anyone wants to plan way ahead…)

My Reflections playlist - Part 8 (2013-2021)

In September 2013, my husband walked out and didn't come back. By that point, having started talking to people about what was going on, I was neither surprised nor even devastated. I was relieved.

64. "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" by Kelly Clarkson - The night D called to say he wasn't coming home, I'm sure that I cried. But the next morning, I got online and started applying to jobs, and I started learning how to be independent. I didn't know at the time whether he would come back, or whether this was The End, so I jumped in with both feet and prepared to be a single mom. This song carried me through the next year of divorce proceedings and the year after that of having to learn to co-parent. This is still one of my most loved songs (although I don't actually believe the lyrics).

65. "Evermore" by Dan Stevens - I just love this song. I watched the film three times in the theater (or was it four?). I fell in love with Dan Stevens' voice and memorized the song. The kids probably got sick of it because I listened to it so many times. I wanted to learn the words from listening rather than from reading lyrics. I know the film did weird stuff to his voice, but his actual voice is one of my absolute favorites. I now own two audiobooks that he narrates and will keep looking for more.

66. "I'll Never Love Again" by Lady Gaga (& Bradley Cooper) - The  movie A Star is Born destroyed me. I watched it once and may not be able to ever watch it again. It was so intense and so brutally sad. Not that I didn't love it, and for sure this song and "Shallow" are on my long-term favorite songs list. But the depth of grief I experienced during the film is not something I would choose to go through again anytime soon.

67. "This is Me" by Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Ensemble - Best. Song. Ever. One of the results of my divorce was - understandably - a feeling of diminished self-worth. I am fat. I am ugly. I am lazy. I'm a horrible mom. I'm apparently also a horrible wife. OK, but even if that were all true (which I know intellectually it's not), this is who I am. I shouldn't have to apologize for who I am. And this song is a reminder that I am worthy of love.

68. "Wonderful Life" by Zendaya - The film Small Foot may seem like just another cute animated flick, but I really appreciated this song and the message that questioning established beliefs is healthy. During 45's presidency and as a result of his being elected by such a large portion of White Evangelicals, I started asking questions, trying to be a "seeker of the truth." This song made me feel validated in my questions. Plus it's Zendaya. That is enough.

69. "Portals" by Alan Silvestri - I was a super latecomer to the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). After seeing Black Panther in the theater on the recommendation of many friends, I watched the existing 16 films (excluding the Hulk ones) in time to see Avengers: Infinity War before it left theaters two months later. I was hooked. This song from Avengers: Endgame feels to me like the climax of the MCU. It is the triumph of good over evil in the midst of pain and great loss. It is hope.

70. "C'est La Vie" by Khaled - My niece (age 3 at the time) loved this song so much that one evening when we were over at their house visiting (before Covid), she begged my sister to play it for us. And we danced! How can you listen to this song and not dance? Of course, she didn't understand the words, and I don't understand any of the Arabic, but that doesn't in any way diminish our enjoyment of it. Loving and dancing; that's the life!

I don't have any songs for Covid, although I'm sure I could think of some if I wanted to. But these songs really are still echoing in my mind even now, so this will have to be enough for the time being. Thanks for coming on this journey with me!

My Reflections playlist - Part 7 (2006-2013)

In 2006, I returned to Nigeria and got married. It may not have been the happiest day of my life, but my friends and family worked exceedingly hard to make it a lovely and beautiful day. I'm so grateful! And I'm ashamed that my marriage went sideways after all the wonderful people who helped me celebrate its beginning.

56. "One Voice" by The Wailin' Jennys - My brother introduced me to this song, and he sang it together with my sister and me at my wedding. I adore it. 

57. "Back to December" by Taylor Swift - I associate this song with San Diego, and so I thought that it must have come out when I lived there in 2005-2006, and I heard it on the radio during my hour-long commute that year. But it didn't! It came out in 2010, so I have no clue why it makes me think of San Diego. But it does, for whatever reason, and it brings out all the wistful feelings.

58. "Jesus, Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood - We moved to the U.S. in January 2009, just after Obama's inauguration. Right away, things were hard. We stayed with my amazing extended family for a couple of months, but finding work and creating a path forward was more challenging than either of us had expected. Without a good job, our first four years in the States put pressure on us as a couple, as a family, and on me as a person. I often felt completely out of control of my life, like all I could do was hang on for the ride.

59. "Rue's Farewell" by James Newton Howard - During this time, when the kids were still super little, I rediscovered my love for books. (I'd had to take an extensive reading break after college.) When Facebook friends mentioned the film The Hunger Games, I immediately went out and bought the books and devoured them. While the whole trilogy is melancholy, this song... Just tears.

60. "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood - Carrie's got some fantastic jaded-woman songs. This is my favorite, but "Two Black Cadillacs" is right up there, too. While I was not (to my knowledge) the victim of cheating, this song encapsulates all the bitterness and anger that led up to the end of my marriage. Love love love this song. At the time, I created a Pandora station to catch all my favorite angry-woman country songs. It was glorious.

61. "Need You Now (How Many Times)" by Plumb - This was my theme song for 2012 and 2013. Everything was falling apart. This was another scream-the-lyrics-in-the-car-while-sobbing song. 

62. "Dumbledore's Farewell" by Nicholas Hooper - This song is representative in a way the others aren't. I don't even know if I watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Price during this period, though I had seen it before. But this song is a stand-in for April 2013, when my grandpa died. I had waited too long to go see him and was literally on my way there when I got the call that he had passed. This song is for Grampa.

63. "The Parting Glass" by The High Kings - After my grandfather died, my family got together in California, including my dad, who flew all the way from Nigeria. I left the kids with relatives in Georgia, where we lived at the time, and flew out by myself. During that week, we watched Waking Ned Devine in my grampa's honor, as my aunt said he had enjoyed the film. I've heard several versions of this song, including the one in the film, but this is my favorite. It speaks to me of that week with my family, of saying a final goodbye to Grampa, but also of coming clean to my family about what was happening in my marriage, and saying goodbye to that, too. 

So here we are in 2013. The week with my family for my grampa's memorial was the end of many things but also a new beginning. Looking back, I can see the signs so clearly that were still murky at the time. 

My Reflections playlist - Part 6 (2003-2006)

 This part covers my last year of college and the two years afterward leading up to my marriage.

49. "American Soldier" by Toby Keith - Let me say right off the bat that I'm not a Toby Keith fan. But this song was my anchor when first, in 2002, my best friend Ruth joined the Army ROTC and transferred to a different college, and then that same year my friend Ethan joined the Army Reserves and was shipped off to Iraq in early 2003. My roommate went off to war protests in downtown Chicago, and I listened to this song and thought of my friends in uniform and cried.

50. "My Immortal" by Evanescence - While I can't say I identify directly with the lyrics to the song, the anguish spoke to me at a time when I was already going through a lot. That is all.

51. "Babylon 5" by Christopher Franke - Sometime in 2003, I met a Wheaton alumnus who lived in the neighborhood, as we had mutual friends, and he invited us all over to his house every week for a meal and Babylon 5. I'd never heard of the show - or maybe I had, in Galaxy Quest? - and I have to admit it took a couple seasons to grow on me. But grow on me it did. During Lent of my senior year, I gave up sweets, so we moved to watching B5 only on Sundays because the tension and stress of the episodes led to my requiring chocolate, and I could only eat chocolate on Sundays. Yes, we were crazy and silly, but gosh darn it, I love the show. Especially Ivanova.

52. "He's a Pirate" by Klaus Badelt - My roommate really liked Pirates of the Caribbean and had the soundtrack, so we listened to this song quite a lot my senior year. I'm not complaining. It was awesome.

53. "Into the West" by Annie Lennox - All three Lord of the Rings films came out while I was in college, and this song, like U2's "Grace" the year before, often took me off to dreamland in tears. I think of Frodo and his pain and his release. I think of the kindred spirits he left behind. I think of Elrond sailing away without his daughter. So. Many. Tears. The only time I've watched the Oscars is in 2004 when Return of the King made a clean sweep. This link is from that night's show.

54. "He Goes to Church" by The Cherryholmes - A year after I graduated, in 2005, I moved to California. I got to spend a lot of time with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle. One weekend, my aunt and uncle took me to a concert for a band I'd never heard of, a family called The Cherryholmes. I had never heard bluegrass before and fell in love with it - well, with this group in particular. And the frosting on the proverbial cake was that Christopher Guest and Jamie Lee Curtis were also in the audience that night! Fangirl squee! (I didn't see them, but just knowing they were there in the same room, breathing the same air, was exhilarating.) For the record, I'm not advocating this song as a true understanding of heaven, but it's sad and sweet, and I like it.

55. "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson - Like "My Immortal," this song may not have spoken to my own life in its lyrics, but I identified with the raw pain and anger. (It's complicated.) And I have since learned that Kelly Clarkson is my birthday twin, so I love this song all the more. (Of course, it means something completely different to me now.)

This brings me up to 2006, when I returned to Nigeria as a bride.

My Reflections playlist - Part 5 (2000-2003)

In June 2000, I came back to the U.S. and prepared for college. This set covers my first three years of college.

40. "God Bless the U.S.A." by Lee Greenwood - In July 2000, I attended a "re-entry seminar" for MKs who were all coming to the U.S. for college after living overseas. We went to Knott's Berry Farm (an amusement park), where they had a patriotic laser and fireworks show for the Fourth. This song played, and as I stood next to the other MKs, I was - perhaps for the first time - actually proud to be an American.

41. "Strangers Like Me" by Phil Collins - As a missionary kid coming "home" to the U.S., I felt like an imposter. This song summed up the experience so well. My best friend Ruth was also an MK, and we both saw ourselves in this film (Tarzan) and loved watching it together.

42. "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright - Sometime during my first two years of college, one of our faculty sang a version of this song in chapel. I didn't know him at the time, I'd never heard the song before, and I was deeply moved. (He later became my favorite prof, and only after I'd taken his class did I find out it was he who had sung in chapel.) I'm now perplexed that they let him sing this in chapel at our Evangelical college.

43. "On My Own" by Samantha Berks - I have never been lucky in love. I get Eponine. I completely get her. Once, while I was studying Anthropology (or was it Geology?) in the hallway with my friend Elisabeth, I started humming this, and she told me she'd sung it in a talent show in high school. I wish I could have heard her sing it! Those first two years of college, I did a lot of walking alone and often sang this to myself as I walked. (The Spotify song is from the film, but this YouTube version is from the 10th anniversary concert, which was actually my first exposure to the show and remains my favorite cast, with Terrence Mann as Javert.)

44. "Where's the Girl?" by Terrence Mann - Speaking of Terrence Mann... I've never seen The Scarlet Pimpernel musical. My friend Megan played this song for me once, and afterward our mutual friend would sing it occasionally. Having not seen the show nor read the book, I'm hazy on the context of the song, but I find it haunting and darkly mesmerizing.

45. "Rise Up, O Men of God" by Heart & Voice - This is the "theme" song of the Wheaton College Men's Glee Club. They started every concert by singing it as they entered the chapel. (Or at least, that's how I remember it.) While I loved all the Wheaton musical groups, especially the Women's Chorale of which I was part my senior year, it was no secret that Glee Club was my favorite. They were treated as kind of a fraternity, which I always found weird and uncomfortable, but their voices were exquisite. (The YouTube version linked here is actually the Men's Glee Club, though not during my time at Wheaton.)

46. "Break in the Cup" by David Wilcox - Halfway through my junior year, I had what you might call a psychological break. I went through a relationship split that led to therapy, and in the fallout from that, I heard the term "codependent" for the very first time. This was life-changing. And as my roommate's David Wilcox CD was the soundtrack for this emotional crisis, this song made me feel seen.

47. "White Flag" by Dido - Recovering from my breakdown took months. I slept a lot. I missed more class than I should have missed. I drove a lot. And I sang this song every time it came on the radio when I drove, putting the volume up as high as it went, belting out the lyrics and sobbing. 

48. "Grace" by U2 - My roommate also had the new U2 album, and the first time she played "Grace" for me, I burst into tears. For weeks after my break, she would gently nudge me into sleep at night by playing "Grace" on repeat until I finally drifted off. And this song gave me strength to push through and move on.

This may seem like a weird place to pause, as it was in the middle of my college years. And since I went to a college that had a conservatory of music, there are lots of songs I could add. But "Grace" marks a change in my life, as I picked up the broken pieces and learned to move forward through pain but to let others help me if I needed it. That was a monumental step for me. It's been so many years, and yet I know to this day that if not for my roommate at the time and for my sister doing her darnedest to help me when I was just so dang reluctant to reach out--without them, I literally wouldn't have survived that experience. So here's to Lisa and Heather, true heroes.

My Reflections playlist - Part 4 (1999-2000)

 My senior year of high school was busy and full. I did crazy things like keep score at basketball games and work on the yearbook. In some ways, it was a hard year, as all but one of my friends were in National Honor Society, but I hadn't gotten in, and that was A Big Deal. But I was on the praise team and starred in the senior play, so that was obviously something. For the most part, it was a fantastic year, so these songs are all pretty upbeat.

34. "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex - I haven't the foggiest what this song is about, but every time it came on during a party, it made me start to move my feet. I don't dance; let's be clear on that. And I avoided parties when I could. But this song is all it took to get me at least tapping my foot. It will always make me laugh and remember some party we went to at Sofia's house that year.

35. "Macarena" by Los del Rio - Again, a song that reminds me of the parties I avoided. I mean, geez, they were loud enough that I could hear the music just fine from sitting outside with my cold bottle of Coke and a cup of popcorn or a no-bake, as were the treats at our school parties. But this one I actually learned the dance for - thanks again to Sofia. I'll always associate this song with her.

36. "Baby Shark" by Pinkfong - Yes, OK, so this has become a global phenomenon in the past few years, but I learned this song from William Gordon during my senior year of high school. He first sang it to my little brother Luke, who was a toddler at the time. We'd make the motions and laugh hysterically. And William didn't sing the kid-friendly version...

37. "Speechless" by Steven Curtis Chapman - For whatever reason, this song will always make me think of my friend John, who was a year behind me in school. I can't remember now why, but it had something to do with being in class together - U.S. History or Government - and listening to it together. My memory fails at the details, but it was a happy moment.

38. "Lost in the Wilderness" by Stephen Schwartz and sung by Darius DeHaas - The most significant event of my senior year was our spring musical, Children of Eden. I'd be surprised if you've heard of it, but I highly recommend it. It blew my mind. I got to be part of the Chorus, and it was very possibly the best experience of my teenage years. I laughed. I cried. The cast felt like a family. Spotify doesn't have lots of songs from the show, but this is one of my favorites anyway. For a little Christian international school in Africa, we put together a pretty amazing show. All the feels.

39. "Life is Beautiful" by Michelle Tumes - This was around the time I first heard Michelle Tumes, and this song in particular made its way into my heart. As I wrapped up my childhood and prepared to move back to the U.S., probably permanently, this song seemed to embody my life. 

In June 2000, I graduated from high school and returned to the U.S. for college.

My Reflections playlist - Part 3 (1997-1999)

This part of the playlist only spans for two years, but they were pretty significant years in my life - 10th grade in the U.S. being homeschooled because my compassionate parents agreed not to force me to attend a public high school; and 11th grade back in Nigeria, the first half of which I lived without my parents and four+ months of which I lived in a dorm.

22. "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" by Andrew Lloyd Weber & Emmy Rossum - My mom's college friend took us to New York City in July 1997, when I was 15, and we got to see The Phantom of the Opera. I became obsessed with the musical and listened to the highlights CD (all I had at the time) probably several hundred times over the next year. I'm not sure why, but this was my favorite song from the show.

23. "Hold Me Jesus" by Rich Mullins - I hadn't heard much Rich Mullins music before this. We'd sung the chorus of "Awesome God" in chapel, but I had no idea it was a longer song, nor that it was by Rich Mullins. Then in the fall of 1997, he was killed in a car accident, and suddenly I discovered his music, a treasure trove. This song in particular brought solace during this year of what I considered forced exile from my friends in Nigeria. 

24. "Hymn to the Sea" by James Horner - I went to see Titanic not once, not twice, but three times when it came out. (I have since done this with other films, but at the time, it was considered ridiculous. I don't care.) I love love love this film. It makes me ugly cry every time, and this song rips my heart out of my chest whenever I hear it. Every.Single.Time. Sometimes when I've been in a melancholy mood but haven't been able to cry (this actually happens quite often), I've put on this film just so I can have a good cry. And no, I was not in love with Leo. I just loved the film and its music.

25. "The Message" by 4Him - During this year in the U.S., one of the things that gave me solace was Christian contemporary music. I didn't have much to spend babysitting money on, so I bought lots of CDs. One of my favorite groups was 4Him, and I loved this guy's voice in particular because it was right in my range. I'm not sure exactly why, but this album reminds me of happy times hanging out with a guy who lived next-door for about 6 weeks and made life tolerable at the time.

26. "Star Trek: Voyager - Main Title" by Jerry Goldsmith - While I had discovered Star Trek: Voyager during our furlough in 1994 during its first season and had started watching it any way I could when we went back to Nigeria, this was the first time I could watch it live on UPN each week. We had a rabbit-ear antenna, so the picture wasn't fantastic, but Jonathan and I watched it religiously when it aired and enjoyed reruns when it didn't. Although TNG will always be my first love, VOY is my true favorite.

27. "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx - This song says it all. "Oceans apart day after day..." This was my theme song during that 10th grade year. I missed my friends desperately.

28.  "And Still" by Reba McEntire - Finally, the summer of '98, I returned to Nigeria. My parents were originally going to join me after a few weeks, but life happened, and I ended up being there without them for seven months. For the first two months, I lived with my best friend's family, who are from Georgia/Louisiana, and I was introduced to country music. We listened to  a lot of country music that summer, but this was definitely my favorite. So wistful and sad. I've sung it to myself dozens of times over the years since. Oh, the angst! (Just watched the music video for the first time ever, and it's a weird one. I'm not sure how the visit to a developing country fits into my idea of the song...)

29. "The Hairbrush Song" by VeggieTales - Another thing I discovered when I returned to Nigeria was VeggieTales. My friends loved it, and we would watch it at sleepovers, just laughing uproariously as we were pumped on on sugar and caffeine. Larryboy was our hero.

30. "Johnny's Camaro" by David Wilcox - I first heard this song in January '97 when it was pretty new, but I associate it with later in high school for some reason. I wanted to be Laura in this song. Somehow it made me feel strong and powerful as a teenage girl growing up in Africa. (While this is fine in Spotify, this YouTube link to a live performance is way better.)

31. "No Need to Argue" by The Cranberries - One thing about having been gone for a year in the middle of high school was that my friendships shifted significantly in by absence. Who knows what happened or why things changed? All I knew was that one of my best friends had changed and would continue to change, taking her farther away from me. 

32. "Common Ground" by Sierra - I listened to this song over and over again, and I even played it for my friend who was drifting away. It didn't help and perhaps pushed her farther away. I didn't understand why, but as a result, this song represents my junior year of high school.

33. "Johnny's Soliloquy" by Harve Presnell - Twenty-plus years later, this song still pulls at my heartstrings. My junior year of high school, we performed The Unsinkable Molly Brown. I had a teeny tiny part, but I still got to be at all the rehearsals. And the guy who played the lead role of Johnny was just outstanding. It's a heart-wrenching song but brings back a flood of memories.

That gets us through 11th grade. My senior year was very full and has lots of songs, so I'm saving a separate post for that year.

My Reflections playlist - Part 2 (1991-1997)

This part covers our first two terms in Nigeria and the year of furlough in between them. 

12. "We Will Rock You" by Queen - This song is at the end of the film Mighty Ducks, which was shown at a movie night at our school in Nigeria. I don't remember watching the film on the big screen, but I do remember this song and our response to it. I'd never heard of Queen (and didn't actually know this was sung by Queen until I was in my early 30s), but this song was so catchy. We loved stomping our feet and clapping but had no idea what any of the words were except "We will, we will rock you." 

13. "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men - I don't honestly think I'd ever listened to this whole song before putting together this playlist. I'm not a fan at all. Not even a little. But the chorus of this song takes me back to the day my friend Ruth drove away for the last time. It was 1993, and she'd been my neighbor and one of my best friends for the two years we'd lived in Nigeria. Her family was moving to Ethiopia, so who knew when we'd see each other again, if ever. So as Ruth and her family drove out the compound gates of Niger Creek (to drive the five hours to the airport city), my friend Meaghan and I ran after the van, singing "We've come to the end of the road..." It felt like an ending. I had no way of knowing my family would stay in touch with Ruth's over the next few decades, and I'd even get to line dance at Ruth's wedding 11 years later.

14. "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin - This was the first non-Sunday-school song that I memorized from start to finish. It was one of the songs on a family mixtape of '70s music that we called "the pop tape." I'm not sure why I decided to memorize it, aside from its being mellow and mentioning cats. But we were on a family vacation at a river down south, and I used a portable tape recorder to play the song over and over again until I learned all the words. (The next song on the tape was "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver.)

15. "Hero" by Mariah Carey - We came back to the U.S. halfway through my sixth grade year due to a family medical emergency. I spent 1994 at a public middle school in L.A., and it was a pretty crummy year for the most part. But I got to be in Chorus as an elective, and this is one of the songs we sang. I'd never heard of Mariah Carey and didn't even know this was her song until years later, but I loved it right away.

16. "Star Trek: The Next Generation Main Title" by Jerry Goldsmith - During this year of furlough, we had cable TV for the first (and last) time ever. Before we moved to Nigeria, I'd been accustomed to PBS shows and cartoons. Now I could watch other things, like Get Smart on Nick at Nite. (Mom wouldn't let me watch Bewitched or I Dream of Jeannie because they were about magic.) And I discovered Star Trek: The Next Generation and immediately fell in love with it. I have loved Star Trek ever since.

17. "I'll Be There" by The Escape Club - I heard this song sometime in seventh grade while I was in the U.S. I had exactly one true friend that year, Stephanie, and all the others were still in Nigeria. I missed them with every beat of my heart. I associate this song with being in Stephanie's house, so we must have listened to it on her radio, but the angst in the song made me incredibly homesick.

18. "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" by Bryan Adams - I fell in love with this song once I returned to Nigeria and was surrounded by my friends again (and had a crush on a cute guy). I didn't see the film associated with this song until I was in college, but the song was on the radio in Nigeria quite a lot.  

 19. "Another Day in Paradise" by Phil Collins - When I think of this song, I think of realizing my privilege for the first time. I was probably 12 or 13 when I started to understand how privileged I was. In the U.S., I always felt poor. Kids made fun of my second-hand clothes and stupid hair. But when we went back to Nigeria and I finally started looking outside of myself, I began to see my life in contrast to those around me. So this is my epiphany song.

20. "Main Title (Seven Brides for Seven Brothers)" by Adolph Deutsch - To be fair, I haven't seen this film since high school, and I have a feeling the sexism would make me crazy nowadays. But I included this song because when I was in eighth grade, I got to be in the orchestra when my school performed this musical, and my brother had the lead role of Adam. Even though I was only in middle school, I got to go to school in the evening for rehearsals with Jonathan, and I loved it. We had a wonderful time! 

21. "Forgiving Eyes" by Michael Card - Can I just say that I love that Michael Card wrote a song from the perspective of the "adulterous" woman from John 8? I'd been listening to Michael Card's The Life for years by this point, but for whatever reason, this song struck me in a new way in about ninth grade. This song tells of a Jesus of compassion and empathy, who loves and forgives. It is the Jesus I want to love. 

This takes us up through the end of ninth grade, when my brother graduated from high school and we left Nigeria to return to the U.S. for another year.